A Happy Spring

So it's softball season again. Last year during softball season, Max seemed so frail. We had just found out about his cataract and I was terminally terrified, waiting for the other foot to fall. What else was coming? What would be wrong next? So fiercely in love with Max, I was equally aware that I had no control over where these surprise birth "defects" ended.

Now, a year later, we have stopped patching his weak eye entirely. He hated it. And at our last pediatric ophthalmologist appointment, he said that patching was unlikely to make a difference. I was horrified at first, horrified by the idea that nothing could be done to strengthen that eye. But somewhere between Mexico & the snow drops sprouting, I realized it was me that needed to get stronger, not Max's eye. I read a quote yesterday that said: "It never gets easier. You just get stronger." Maybe that is true. Maybe we just get stronger so gradually, it's impossible to tell when it happened.

I just know that right now I am bursting with pride as I watch my three year old son charge around the playground. He is so happy, so strong, so amazing. Absorbing every second of Max's beaming joy, every ounce of sunshine on this wonderful day is pure heaven. Watching Max careen around in circles on the playground is money in the bank. Maybe someday, we will have another terrifying hurdle to cross and will have to make a withdrawal. But I am not going to think about that now. I miss these beautiful moments if I let my mind marinate too long in the maybes. Let me never forget this moment, the warm evening sun, the sound of Max's sweet three year old voice calling to me. I will tuck it all safely in my heart & save it, let it earn interest, just in case I need it someday.


I wonder if life would feel this rich, if beauty would be this palpable, if Max had not been born with a hole in his heart. It's as if the visible hole in his heart has the power to heal the invisible one in mine.