Hoping against hope....

So today we went to see the eye doctor. The normal 4 month follow up from our last appointment. It's been a very busy time. This morning, we went to see if Max's vision had improved with the 4 months of 6 hours a day of patching. That is 126 patch applications, each one with the dreaded screaming and many incongruous Max tears.

He didn't even have a chance! They were showing him some weird thing that looked like a cross between a fish skeleton and a christmas tree and when he didn't name it, they moved on, assuming he couldn't see it. Then I suggested that she let him try with his strong eye first, so he could feel more confident about what he was calling these weird black and white things.

"Oh no," she said as the nurse shook her head and looked at me like I should know better. "If we start with the good eye they MEMORIZE."

She said that word memorize SLOWLY, like I was slow.

He is two. TWO! He does not memorize yet. But my husband's steely glare kept me from saying it out loud.

After the visit, the doctor tried to order an OCT, a fancy eye CAT scan. It looks at whether the retina and macula are normal. Since he couldn't discern a measurable difference between the cursory visual acuity exam 4 months ago and the one that was even less patient today, now my Max's right eye is "probably not going to respond to patch therapy." My husband seemed oddly okay with this idea, probably because of how terrible the whole patching thing is on a daily basis.

But give me terrible, give me screaming, just give me the chance that over time his eye will get stronger. I tell parents all the time how strong nerves are in young children. How versatile and resilient they are. How one nerve can take over for another and the end result is the same when they grow up.

Please, please, give me patching. Don't tell me there is no point to patching. That is giving up on my Max. Giving up hope. Please tell me my little knight has two eyes that can see.... Please tell me that eye has a chance.... It is 6:31pm and I have not gotten a call from the eye doctor. Our appointment was at 8:15am this morning. Does he know that I am waiting for him to call, with my phone in my hand for the entire day?